i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
