FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
