my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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