you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
