is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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