He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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