JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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