so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
