Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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