I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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