people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
