Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
