My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
