I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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