Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
