so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
