Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
