I hate all girls vehemently.
Porn is love you can see.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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