Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
