I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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