you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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