would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
