Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
