I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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