She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
