Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All the doctor said was why
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
