Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
