Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
