I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
