Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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