I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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