I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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