you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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