Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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