This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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