can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
