I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
