there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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