my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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