He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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