Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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