She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
