4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
God, I missed his penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
