I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
