put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
