Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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