To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
