First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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