EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
