Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
